Relationships

Relationship Therapy You Can Do on Your Own

While most relationships have their share of ups and downs, very few couples are willing or able to invest the time and/or money that traditional relationship therapy would cost.

This doesn’t mean that they’re more or less committed to the success of their relationship than other couples – only that they have different limits as to what they find an acceptable intrusion into their private lives (particularly when it comes to a third party such as a therapist).

The good news for those that find themselves in this particular situation – or even when one partner simply isn’t willing to go into therapy – is that there are things you can do that can lead to self healing and repairing a relationship that may be damaged.

You can do this as one partner or as a couple, although it’s much more effective when both people participate.   We’ve become a society of do-it-yourselfers, so it only makes sense that we’re bringing this idea into the more personal aspects of our lives rather than the simple home improvement projects.

Positive thinking is a great place to start. Whenever the roads of romance become a little too rocky for comfortable travel, it’s time to take a step back and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.

Make a list, write a letter, write a poem, or take a few minutes to hold each other and dance. Remind each other of the wonderful person you are when unencumbered with the worries of the world, children, finances, and the world outside the circle of your arms.

There are many different styles of self-therapy that you can use. You may want to check out some books on the various styles and read them together for advice, guidance, and perhaps a little insight as to where your specific problems may lie and the best path to take in the future.

One highly recommended style of relationship therapy is known as the Imago, which is Latin for ‘match’ style. You can find many books on this topic either online or at your local library. The important thing is that you take as many steps as possible together.

Role-playing is another great way to obtain valuable insight as to how you perceive your partner as well as how he or she sees you. You may learn a lot about how the English language is woefully inadequate at conveying precise messages.   You may intend to say one thing and your partner may hear something else entirely. It’s important to learn how to communicate with one another positively and accurately. Working together through self-therapy and role-playing can help you achieve that.

 

Relationships

How to avoid Married People Seeking Singles on Dating Sites

Even in the offline world, you can't trust some people to be who they say they are.  But is the online dating scene even worse in attracting men and women who are married but secretly seeking others for extra-marital affairs?

While men are typically typecast as being the louts in this kind of arrangement, they're not the only perpetrators.  Some women are seeking partners at online dating sites as a security measure against being alone in between partners.

But for the most part, online dating site participants are genuine people who are single and seeking the perfect match for their love life.  Most of the despicable people who are married and straying go to websites devoted to playing the field while taken, so there's not as much danger encountering these individuals on a single online dating site.

Still, it could happen.  If you don't take precautions to get to know someone before taking things too far, then there maybe those who accuse you of playing a part in the adulterous relationship.

Don't be willing to just accept someone's profile as gospel.  You need to get to know your online dating prospects before agreeing to meet with them or engage in any romantic relationships.

Sometimes, love moves more quickly on the 'net, so you have to protect yourself against the possibility that the other party isn't being completely up front about who they are or what they're seeking.

You don't want to be plagued by guilt and shame that ensues when you find out you've been the unwitting accomplice in a triangle of love with your online dating partner that the other person's spouse knows nothing about.

If you discover someone you're interested in has been playing the virtual field while still tied down to someone in the offline world, then you need to abruptly end the discussions and move on to someone who was more forthright in their disclosure of who they are and their marital status.

Some bloggers are taking adulterers who use online dating sites to task, accusing them of violating the unsuspecting party's Constitutional Rights and making it more than just an ethical or moral dilemma. 

Make sure you ask questions and notice anything unusual in the prospect's demeanor.  And most importantly, recognize that even if it happens to you, these people are in the minority, and don't represent the majority of the online dating pool.

Relationships

5 Signs Your Date May Be a Loser

Love is blind…

It's a statement we often hear, the trouble is that it doesn't last forever. We all eventually wake up and realize we've been with the wrong person. So how do you spot that situation before losing precious time? With the help of some relationship experts, we have identified five key signs to look for in a “loser.”

1. Gainfully Unemployed with No Savings in the Bank

Romance tends to only go so far in the world of relationships. Once the buzz wears off, things like bank accounts and money contributions become hugely important.

According to renowned psychotherapist Olivia Mellan, money drives more couples apart than sex. While money isn’t everything, it is extremely important that you consider future troubles that can result via financial inequality. If your partner's money woes are coupled with lack of ambition in general, definitely consider running for the local hills.

2. Lives at Home with His Parents

Unless a parent is sick or impaired and desperately needing help to survive, you may want to flee. I say “may want to flee”  for one simple reason: Maybe your potential partner is saving up for a house and putting aside every penny. However, if he or she is a full-blown adult sitting around watching TV while mom does the laundry and fixes dinner, you may want to give the situation tons of thought.

3. Slob Nation

People often associate this with men, but it applies to women as well. Marriage and family therapist Tina Tessina of Long Beach, Calif. revealed to NBC’s Today that a whopping one in three couples she works with struggle with cleanliness issues. “It’s a big issue especially with new couples,” said Tessina.

“Cleanliness is next to godliness,” once observed an ancient sage.  The wisdom behind this simple phrase is that a man (or woman) who lives in a world of filth and disorganization is usually the possessor of a fragmented and undisciplined mind. So while slovenly behavior may be charmingly cute in the beginning, when you’re picking up dirty clothes off the floor and continuously cleaning grimy dishes left in the sink, you may find yourself ready to explode.

4. Negative and Demeaning

Your self-worth is without a doubt THE most important part of your being. There is never a good reason for someone you love and adore to make you feel worthless.

In her PsychCentral article, Marie Hartwell-Walker notes that initially amazing connections can turn into abusive situations. When this happens, the partner being verbally attacked constantly hopes the loving-being they fell in love with will return. The longer the two of you stay together, the worse the abuse may become.

Life is so very short. Seek a partner that lifts you up and inspires you to go for your dreams.

5. Isolates and Controls You

If you ever find yourself staring in the mirror and suddenly realize you're only a fraction of the person you used to be, your partner may stifling your authenticity. Pay close attention to whether he or she constantly tries to isolate you and deter you from connecting with friends, family, and new experiences.

Your ideal partner should absolutely love who you are and encourage you to spread your wings.

There are numerous other factors to consider when deciding whether to run or stay for the long-haul. If you’re confused, make a full list of the qualities you are seeking and where you plan to take life. Dare to move on if your current prospect doesn’t fit your needs.

You only live once! Don’t buy into the logic that you’ll never find another partner. Know what you want, be patient, and your best partner just may arrive with bells on.